Seeeesshhh it's a hard one....
I controlled my body full tilt after going through anxiety and depression in my late teens. Wanting to feel good in myself, staying thin gave me a false sense of security in those days. I felt better skinner, in control. So I controlled my food. I became extremely obsessed. Looked in the mirror a million times at day. Compared myself to every woman I met. Limited the amount of food I ate. What kind of food I ate. If I broke 'my rules', I'd mentally punish myself. So much self sabotage. It was totally maddening. Totally consumed my mind, my perception on happiness and my worth as a human being. I believed people valued me by the way I looked.
It's a LOAD OF SHIT.
People value us by our inner light, by our love and by our presence.
How did I change it?
I let go.
The pendulum had swung so far in one direction, it just had to come back the other way.
I let go of controlling what I 'thought' my body wanted and started 'listening' to what my body needed. I stood up taller. I did yoga and started to surf. And I accepted that my body has peaks and troughs, some days agile, some days bloated. I'm a woman after all. Just like the weather, ebbing and flowing.
It balanced itself out over time...
And people loved me no matter what. I attracted lovely men into my life, even when I felt chubby. I attracted generous friends into my life, even when I felt bloated. The evidence showed me that my inner light was what people experienced from me, not the way my body showed up. It was up to me to turn my inner light on or off. A choice.
I got real about the fact that I have a strong, muscly body. I'm not dainty, never will be. I'm curvy. I just got in reality about things. All this fear about my worth in the way I looked, total illusion crap.
I also realised how self indulgent it is to waste so much time obsessing over how I look. There are way more interesting and important things in life, in this world to focus on. Way more energy to use in more productive ways.
A huge point too is that no one else really cares, because they're all so focused on themselves anyway!
Keeping awareness of the big picture, it became a practice from then on and I feel pretty unconditional about my body these days.
You've got to see how magnificent your body is. How your heart has beat from the time you were in your mummas belly, to it beating when your child was growing in yours...or perhaps will be. Far out ladies, you are creating human beings! Give your body praise. Like you love your partners body, your friends bodies, your children's bodies, please love yours. Focus on its ability, its strength, it's endurance to self heal all these years. To carry you. To run you up that mountain. To swim you through that sea. To melt you into the arms of your lover. Your body is the bridge between your spirit and this physical world. Give it a bloody break mate!
There's a great quote that is relevant to much, but will work in relation to body image.
'We compare out behind the scenes to other people's highlight reels'.
So, don't compare your self to ANY other woman. Love other woman for the way they look and feel. Know that you are enough just the way you are.
Get real and remember the truth....
People value us, experience us and see us by our inner light, by our love and by our presence.
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